I have been following Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project for some time, and as someone who has trouble finding happiness myself, I have decided to start my own for the new year.

One of the main components of her project are her “twelve commandments”.  Things to live by, keep in mind, and focus on at any time.  That seems like a good place to start, creating my own set of commandments. 

Her first commandment is “Be Gretchen”.  I have decided that my first commandment will be “Be Mark”.  Original, I know. 

The thing is, I don’t think you can ever be happy until you learn to be yourself.  I have said before that I don’t like myself.  I can’t even explain why (although some recent research may point to some causes).  I have a low self-esteem.  I likely also have what psychologists would call a “false self-impression”.

I have in the past, and especially during my school years, tried to be someone else.  I have tried to pretend like someone else so others would like me.  I have acted contrary to my nature to fit in.  I need to learn to just accept myself, flaws and all.  I think, like most people, I am thoroughly average, but my brain assures me I am way below that.  I doubt that is true.  I need to learn to find the joy in just being ME.  I need to worry less about what other people think, and more about what *I* think.

Commandment I:  Be Mark