Three old ladies named Gertrude, Maude, and Tilly were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat and flashed them.

Gertrude immediately had a stroke.

Then Maude also had a stroke.

But,Tilly, being older and more feeble, couldn’t reach that far.

Bless her heart.

1) When did The Learning Channel become The Reality TV Channel?

2) And when did The Discovery Channel become more about motorcycles/cars than discovery? (although a few less shark weeks during the year isn’t a bad thing, lol)

Anyway, it made us kind of sad thinking about it.

“Last night B went to throw away the water bottles he collects next to
his chair. I kinda quit doing it, so he does every few days, and the
trash can was full. I keep the trash can under the sink, seems the best
place for it and the animals can’t get to it. So he pulls the can out, and
pushes the trash down, pressing the bottles down. They just fit. Then
he goes to put the can back!! I kicked him so he took it out and tied it
up, even put a new bag in. At first I thought he was going to leave the
bag sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor, but he took it. Jokingly
complaining about his sinuses, his sore ankle, his backache, his tooth
ache…… I could hear him while he was out in the driveway.”

So, I responded with:

“OMG! Just Monday I had a garbage thing with M! LMAO. I went to
throw something away and when I got there the lid fell off. Of course it was
way full. I said while emptying the can, “That’s right, take the lid off
so more shit can fit in before it has to be emptied.” Usually, I try and let
the garbage go to see if he’ll empty it. Yeah, it’s a test, I won’t deny
that, but more times than not I end up doing it cause it drives me crazy.”

I started to wonder and came to the following conclusion:
I think there are two reasons for this. One is that they aren’t afraid
to stick there hand in there to push it down. Second, they can push it
down further becaust they are stronger. I very rarely push it down but I
don’t want to put my hand in the garabage and if I do, I don’t push hard.

So, I guess the saving grace to all this is that we’ve got men who will, without question, stick their hand in the garbage for us whether we want them to or not. Hmmm, if only there was a time where I could remember I needed that done. I think I need to go home and throw something important away and then ask M to sacrafice himself and dig it out.

Oh, wait, somewhere in my foggy brain I seems to remember me throwing out the mortgage bill and M finding it…..

Huh. Funny how that’s not so clear a memory.

CLASSES FOR MEN
AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY JULY 30th.

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS
MAXIMUM.

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays — Step by Step, with Slide
Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00
PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll — Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat
and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? — Group
Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
(Note: this class meets at O’Malley’s Brew Pub on 16th Street)

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor —
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes — Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen
Sink?
Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours
beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity — Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and
Sunday 7:00 PM.

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things — Starting With Looking In The Right
Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum. Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch — Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at
7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost — Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM
Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel
Parks?
Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live — Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing.

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00
PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy — Remembering Birthdays,
Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You’re
Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven — What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

“Hmmm,” I thought, “wonder what would happen if I search CNN.com for anything about M.Night.”

So I do. What do I find?

Television Network admits it lied about unauthorized bilography

LOL. I love it when my skeptic nature keeps me in line.

I don’t believe for a second that it was truly a documentary. Many of the “unapproved interviews” and even some of the approved people really seemed to be ‘acting’. It was a fun bit to watch though. At one point the documentary makers were in the woods at night with a woman who knew M. Knight in highschool. It reminded me very much of Blair Witch, shaking camera and long shots lit by flashlights. Oh! and the the chat room scenes were classic. The best part is how the documentary people take in a pizza delivery guy as a sort of consultant.

Overall a fun bit of entertainment. Makes me want to go see The Villiage (which I think was it’s sole purpose).

Glorious day! The sun was shinning, the humidity was low and a soft breeze was blowing. In the spirit of such a wonderful day M and I packed a lunch and picnicked at a local park on a lake. We lounged around and watched people play disk golf, looked at the clouds as they drifted by and read books. Very wonderful, very relaxing.

How am I ever going to back to cube life? ~sigh~

WooWee, it was a busy day yesterday. My sister called and said she and her husband were on their way back down to florida (from Chicago) and could they stop by!

So we ran some errands, came home and cleaned up the house a bit. Then they got here and we went and ate, then went to see a movie.

Yeah, busy day indeed!